==== index.php ====
<?php
include_once '../_ss_environment.php';
$m = new MySQLi(SS_DATABASE_SERVER, SS_DATABASE_USERNAME, SS_DATABASE_PASSWORD, 'short'); 
if (isset($_GET['url']) && $_GET['url']) {
	$p = $m->real_escape_string($_GET['url']);
	if (!trim($p)) goto nopage;
	$sql = 'SELECT url, id FROM red WHERE p = \'' . $p . '\' LIMIT 1';
	$r = $m->query($sql);
	if (!$r) goto nopage;
	$a = $r->fetch_array(MYSQLI_NUM);
	if (!$a || count($a) != 2) goto nopage;
	$url = $a[0];
	$m->query('UPDATE red SET count = count + 1 WHERE id = ' . $a[1] . ' LIMIT 1');
	header('Location: ' . $url, true, 301);
} else {
	nopage: header('Location: http://simon.geek.nz/', true, 302);
}

==== .htaccess ====
RewriteEngine On

RewriteCond %{REQUEST_URI} ^/(.*)$
RewriteCond %{REQUEST_FILENAME} !-f
RewriteRule .* index.php?url=%1&%{QUERY_STRING} [L]

==== Database schema ====
CREATE TABLE `red` (
  `id` int(11) NOT NULL auto_increment,
  `p` varchar(255) NOT NULL,
  `url` varchar(1024) NOT NULL,
  `count` int(11) NOT NULL default '0',
  `last_access` timestamp NULL default NULL on update CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
  PRIMARY KEY  (`id`),
  UNIQUE KEY `page` (`p`)
) ENGINE=InnoDB AUTO_INCREMENT=17 DEFAULT CHARSET=latin1;

==== License ====
http://sam.zoy.org/wtfpl/COPYING

==== Disclaimer ====
If using this cause bad things to happen, it's not my fault.